OK, first things first. Every year, the International Consumer Electronics show gathers all the big heavies and puts them under one roof (well, several roofs) in Las Vegas. The goal is to showcase all the latest technologies in home, office and mobile electronics. If you're an electronics nerd, going to CES would pretty much be going to heaven. Not only do you get to see all of the upcoming gadgets, widgets and thingamabobbers, but you can often play with the stuff hands-on and, if you're lucky, get a free sample or a demo unit lined up to take home.
Now, a few years back, there used to be a section called the Adult Video Network, nestled comfortably between personal electronics and mobile technologies. That area was so heavily populated it soon broke off into its own convention area, no longer under the CES banner. Enter: the "Porn Convention."
Tasteless as it may seem, the porn convention usually draws a big line. OK, I'm not insinuating anything here, but let's do a little bit of math. You get 100,000-plus computer and technology geeks, suits, sales people and store owners and gather them under a unified location in Las Vegas and what do you think they're going to do? If you said "go to a strip club and write it off as a business expense"-you're right. But this is 2003, and corporate Goliaths are being felled by David whistle-blowers (think Enron and Worldcom) left and right. How can a corporate employee justifiably argue that $632 worth of lap dances is money well spent in the name of the company? He can't-that's what. Instead, he takes himself (or herself, because I'm not trying to be sexist here) into a cab and down the street where he can use his CES pass to get into the AVN convention for free, bump elbows with Tara Patrick, Asia Carrera or even Bridget the Midget, if his or here heart so desires. Did I say elbows? Yeah, right, that's what I meant-elbows.
But not me. Like I said, I'm an electronics nerd, and seeing all of the 2003 electronics goodies was enough to make me "bust a chubby," to use that phrase loosely. Anyway, I had my own "porn star meeting" when I ran across Larry Flynt in the hotel casino. And, I guess I should tell you it's true-the stars always look better on TV.