All I knew was that she was going to be in Playboy sometime soon; I had never met or talked to her, or even seen a picture of her. However, since my membership to the mag's site was due to expire, I was looking forward to experiencing sensory overload upon meeting her. I mentioned the interview to a couple of people and they gave me the standard warning: "Some of them are totally air-brushed and she's probably butt-ugly." I didn't listen to them.
As I sat and waited for the interview hour, rumors began to slowly trickle over from the studio. Whispers of "Dude, she's hot!" passed from one male to another. By the time the whispers got to me I heard you had to cover your ears and should never look directly at her--her voice and beauty would turn the strongest of men into a sniveling, knuckle-dragging, "look-at-the-sunset" wuss. She's got nothing on me--oh, yeah? She was going to be mine for an hour, but mine nonetheless. I got to the studio, flung the door open and there she was, pouting into the camera, on her knees, throwing back her shoulders, tugging on her top and forcing her "naturals" center stage. My timing was perfect. I yelled, "Work it Ashley!" I should of been more subtle. I mop up my pool of drool and begin....
2NR: So where are you originally from?
AP: Florida. The west side, the Gulf side.
2NR: Were you closer to Mississippi?
AP: Yeah, it's very Southern over there: cornbread, fried chicken.
2NR: Wow, you could of been a fatty.
AP: A fat girl? I used to eat a lot. But now I'm into this whole California health kick.
2NR: You've only been out here 3 months.
AP: 9 months.
2NR: You're 18 years old, you don't need to be on a health kick.
AP: 19 years old. And it's not like I'm on a tomato-only diet. I just like to eat more natural foods. I'll have a burrito now and then. I'm not crazy about it, I just like to watch what I eat.
2NR: What was your favorite food out there?
AP: Pizza, I love pizza.
2NR: And out here?
AP: It's kind of changed. I love steak. I can't get enough of it.
2NR: They have steak there, and don't they have more cows there? So, what's the difference between there and here?
AP: There are so many differences. The scenery. The mountains are breathtaking. Over there it's flat, one big sandbar. The weather. You would die it's so humid. I can see why people want to move out here. Although, the people have a kick back Southern-hospitality type attitude.
2NR: Over here we're a little rude?
AP: Depends on where you're at in L.A.
2NR: You're from Irvine; there are no rude people there.
AP: Yeah, except they can't drive. It's the slow driving that makes me crazy. Over here it's more like a rat race. Really fast-paced.
2NR: How was Connecticut?
AP: It was a small town, rolling hills, green grass. It's a New England thing.
2NR: So were you living with a "well-off" family?
AP: They didn't have to worry too much. We lived on 10 acres of land.
2NR: Awww, a little rich kid. Did you have a pony?
AP: I had a bike!
2NR: Was this bike connected to like, say, a butler? Were you actually riding the bike or did you put your feet up on the handlebars while Jeeves pulled you along?
AP: No! It was nice. It was a small town where you knew your neighbors. Didn't have to lock your doors. You could leave your windows open and car unlocked.
2NR: Do you do anything now that you did back in Connecticut? Car thieves would like to know.
AP: I still sing. I sing opera and play the piano.
2NR: Do you really?
AP: Everyone always says that!
2NR: What do you expect them to say? It's not like you said I breathe air. Opera, not that high on the "top 10 things you expect Ashley to do" list.
AP: I started playing piano when I was 5 or 6, all classical.
2NR: What do you listen to when you're in the car?
AP: Eminem. Tupac. Yes, I love 'em. I love gangsta rap.
2NR: Do you really? Damn, after I change up my expectations you throw this at me.
AP: Diversity! I like them because they rap about things that hit you. I like the lyrics, and the "smackin your hoe" stuff doesn't bother me. I don't get tired of them. I like country music, too. Not this whole contemporary stuff. I like the '80s stuff, Reba McIntire, Garth Brooks. I have tinted windows and I sit in traffic singing at the top of my lungs.
2NR: So the next time I'm on the 405 freeway I'll wave to the girl in the Celica singing Mariah Carey's "Hero," right?
AP: Exactly! I sing very loudly when I'm on the freeway.
2NR: What have you been doing since you've been out West?
AP: I model and take part-time waitress jobs. I also did the full body paint thing for the movie "Daredevil." I went in and I was painted to look like the Daredevil, head to toe.
2NR: Were you totally naked?
AP: I had a thong on. I was all red; I had the mask, the double "D" on my chest. After the gig, on the way home, I had to stop at a gas station to fill up and go pee. I had to call my friend to help me out because I was wearing this latex get-up that won't come off.
2NR: Do you know how much fun you could of had! Running around like a superhero and no one would have known who it was! You could of messed with a lot of drunks that night.
AP: I know. I have a list of things to do the next time I'm fixed up like that. I'm going to Blockbuster on a Friday night at about 8 p.m. It'll be great.
2NR: Yeah, what a cool gig; a pretty face can get you damn near any job. Hint. Hint. Anything else?
AP: Ok. I did a spread for Playboy.
2NR: Geeeyeea! That's what I was getting at.
AP: Well, a month after I moved out here I ended up at an open shoot out in L.A.. The senior photo editor saw the Polaroids and asked me to come back to shoot a layout. We shot for about 10 hours. I went back home and they never called--I was kind of bummed. Then 8 months later--a couple weeks ago--they asked if they could use me for "cyber girl of the week," and in a few months use the pictures for the centerfold. Hopefully they use me. I don't know if it's really gonna happen.
2NR: So tell me, how did the photographer get your clothes off? Maybe there's a technique in there that men can adopt.
AP: He told me to go to wardrobe to put on something he picked out.
2NR: That's it? There's got to be more.
AP: And the fact he's only got maybe five people in the studio when they shoot. They've got music on. They talk to you, make you feel comfortable. They don't have random people standing all around looking at your cookie.
2NR: Cookie? You mean nipples?
AP: No. Your peach, your cookie.
2NR: Ahhh, t'ain't nothing like fresh fruit.
AP: The hardest part was when I had my bottoms off.
2NR: That would have been the hard part...er...for me, too. Do you get to go to the Playboy parties?
AP: I went to a couple. The one for "Daredevil," Ben Affleck did a no show.
2NR: Anyone cool?
AP: Um, there was a porn star there.
2NR: That's cool?
AP: I did meet the people from Marvel.
2NR: Wow, maybe an acting career in the future? What do you want to do when you grow up?
AP: I'm going to school right now. I'm majoring in computer science. I love computers.
2NR: I know what you should do. Get a team of hot girls to do on-call computer repair. Who could resist a beautiful girl fixing your computer? Hmmm, or go into plumbing. I guarantee there are better things to see than the crack of a fat plumber.
AP: That's the idea. My mom actually made me take computer classes for 4 years! Whenever there was a problem they call me over to fix their computer. I was the geek.
2NR: Sucka. Most smart guys would have done the same thing. Do you like sports?
AP: I ran track when I was in high school. I ran long distance. My coach wanted me to do long distance, but I just didn't have the stamina for it. I grew up with football. My boyfriend hates that I love football because he plays baseball.
2NR: You said you ran track? I'm wondering if guys came out to see you run because of your...uh...large top.
AP: No. I didn't have anything done. These are mine. [She pokes at them like you would meat at the butcher counter.]
2NR: Wow. Nice. But I don't think you should be poking at them like that. They should be held and caressed. Try it. Do you have a boyfriend?
AP: Yes. He's a 6-ft 2-in., 225-lb baseball player. He's pretty scary.
2NR: Oh. How long have you had this problem?
AP: What was that?
2NR: Nothing. So if you didn't have a boyfriend what turns you on about a guy?
AP: Well, I like it when he calls me out of the blue just to tell me that he loves me.
2NR: Awww, and he's so sensitive. OK, how about "I hate it when guys..."
AP: ...tell war stories, such as: "Oh we were soooo fucked up last night, we were totally obliterated." I'm like, "Yeah buddy, that's real cute." Oh and pervy guys. I was at the beach--pretty much covered up wearing shorts and a bikini top; backpack on--getting stuff out of my trunk and some guy had his camera out the window and was trying to take a picture. My boyfriend shook his finger at him and said, "Hey buddy, no."
2NR: Really now. Can you blame them?
Before she could answer, Henry (our photographer) knocked at the door signaling me to end the interview. I shook her hand and rapped a little about catching her on the 405 singing her little heart out and maybe grabbin' some steak. As I got up, I handed her the pictures I took at the beach and quickly asked her not to send her man after me. Before she could say a word I pulled out my digital camera, shot off a quick burst of flashes and bolted of out the door. Really though, Ashley is going to be one of the 2NR models that blow up--and I'll have the pictures to prove it.
Stats
Model: Ashley Puida
Height: 5' 10"
Weight: 130 lb
Measurements: 36C-23-34
Nationality: Lithuanian, Puerto Rican Irish, Jamaican
From: Florida
Residing in: Orange County
DOB: October 5, 1984
Sign: Libra
Age: 19
Turn-ons: Tall guys, intelligence, sense of humor, patience, sensitivity
Turn-offs: Men's "war stories."