I'm a sucker for chicks with accents. I don't know what it is, but the moment I hear the foreign intonation in a female's voice, my attention, among other things, perks. Everything they say seems that much more important and I hang on to every word. And what an AMEX Black card and hefty bank account do to elevate a man's game (of which I have neither), an accent does to a girl's. A "five" becomes a "six", a "six" a "seven", so on and so forth.
So when Steve and Dennis from Babe Blvd were hyping a new model from the UK, I was intrigued. An import model with a British Accent? Say word, son. Even if she was only moderately cute, I had to meet her. But when Kay Valentine, Ms. London Thang, turned out to be hotter than a Spice Girls orgy sans the Scary Spice, I knew she would be perfect for our ten year anniversary issue. That, and it would give me an excuse to sit down and soak up all her UK-breathed sexiness.
'Alo, Guvna!How are you today, my love?
Feelin' right proper; downright cheerio and you?[laughs] I'm real fine, mate. Thanks for asking.
Now would be the time to interject for those reading at home that you are, in fact, from London, England.Yes, it's the 'London swagger', and it's highly contagious; spend enough time with Kay Veezy, and you'll start talking like Harry Potter!
Funny, Potter was actually my nickname for a while...Stupid scar. Anyway, how long have you been in the States, and what brought you out here?For about a year, now, and I love it - definitely beats gloomy London weather. At first I moved out here for my family, but now it's for the fast food-In 'n Out, Arby's... mmmmm!
Arby's? Of all the deliciousness America's filled with, you pick Arby's?Arby's is definitely high on the list. It's their buns, really - I can't explain it, but they're so soft that you can't resist to just take a big bite! They're perfect.
On the subject of perfect, soft buns, is your dad a baker?Is my daddy a baker? Why?
Because he sure did turn out a set of nice buns!Allow you! Or to put it in London terms: hold it down, dude! [laughs] Carter, that was so cheesy, as any British girl would tell you.
I'll allow you anytime! So, was that the first USDM pick-up line anyone's tried to spit at you?[laughs] No, I get cheesy pick-up lines all the time. Boys here find it more of a challenge to speak to me; they're intrigued by the accent and I get the same questions again and again. It's come to the point where I fancy just tryin' to put on an American accent to avoid the hassle. But I can't do your accent - I suck at it. Maybe I should write all the usual questions down, along with all my answers, so whenever I meet new people I can just hand them the list and make both our lives easier.
What are some of the usuals?Most people will ask, 'where's the accent from?', and then some will kill the conversation with, 'Is that Australian?'Shrimp on the barby! On the subject of stereotypical slangs, what's your favorite U.S. one?Well, you Yanks have taught me every naughty slang... but 'fools' is probably a good one. Try calling someone that in England, and you'll probably receive a beating!
This coming from an island nation that refers to everyone as 'chaps'...who wants to be referred to as cowboy pants? By the way, 'assless chaps'-best two words, ever.Hey, calling dudes 'chaps' isn't all that bad. It could be far worse.
I guess...fool. Ha! Kidding! Besides 'allow you', what's a useful British expression you could bequeath upon me?Over the moon! When you're feeling happy, you're 'over the moon'. Care to bless me with an American expression?
Hmm...Super stoked. It's kind of like 'over the moon'.So are you 'super stoked' today?
By Carter Jung
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