Garmin Ique 3600 PDA/GPSThere is nothing more frustrating than watching a high-speed chase where the manic fleeing the police doesn't seem to know where he is going. Import Tuner highly recommends using the Garmin PDA/GPS if you are planning to elude authorities because not only will you have every road in America at your disposal, but it also has PDA capabilities so you can find your lawyer's number as you gear up for life without parole.
Sony Vaio Pcv-Rz44g Media Center DesktopIf you think styling is as important as performance when it comes to computers, but don't buy into the whole Jetta-Latte-J.Crew crap of an Apple, then Sony makes the computer for you. The new VAIO desktops are hyper-fast and stable, so downloading porn and repeatedly sending threatening emails to your ex-girlfriend will be as much a fun as it is a self-destructive habit.
Canon Optura 300 Minidv CamcorderCannon's Optura is perfect for family vacations, documenting yourself committing minor criminal offenses or capturing your favorite sexual fixation on video and leaving it for your roommates to find. Think of the hours of fun you'll have defending yourself from accusations of being a pervert, inquires as to your whereabouts form police officers or requests to hook your friends up with your sister.
Garmin Forerunner 201 GPS Personal Training DeviceThe Forerunner will tell you exactly how worthless you are on a daily basis. With the ability to measure the amount of inactivity you reach and how little of the 7-11 nachos calories you burn off, you'll be amazed and possibly sickened. The 201 models will unfortunately not calculate how many cigarettes you smoke, nor how many jack and cokes you drink.
Rio Coli 256 MB Sport MP3 PlayerMp3 players saved my life. I used to have to talk to people, try to remember the stupid shit that they drone on and on about, and then be expected to make comments on whatever the hell they said. Now I can just wear headphones and not be accountable for listening to anything that comes out of people's mouths.
Handspring Treo 600Regardless of the awesome features and reasonable price of the new Handspring, I am still a disorganized asshole that will miss deadlines, meetings and forget phone numbers. With all the technology at hand, at the end of the day my pockets are jammed with post-it notes with random scribbles of information that I can't read. A personal assistant seems to be out of my budget at this point, so once again I make a resolution to actually use my PDA, instead of just carrying it around.
Apple Isight Firewire WebcamFor those of you that think online dating is a good idea, can we make a quick suggestion other than maybe not hitting on chicks in chat rooms altogether? Invest in a webcam. That way you'll save yourself from getting hyped on a girl that turns out to be beat. Remember, she'll be able to see you sitting alone in a room at your parent's house with your Tomb Raider posters and Star Wars toys.
Gateway 500 Series DesktopIt is a common misconception that Gateway Country is just a marketing ploy to create a feeling of trust by the makers of this fine desktop computer. But after visiting this beautiful land just east of the Black Hills of South Dakota, I must report that it is the home to some of the nicest people I have ever met. Although commonly thought to be Amish, the townsfolk of Gateway Country fully embrace electricity and underage drinking.
Kyocera Slider V5 Mtv Edition PhoneThe new MTV phone actually comes with Carson Daly's phone number pre-programmed. Also featured is the TRL speed-dial, the Real World drama creator, and a special key command that lets you know which Nelly video will be in rotation that day. I can't wait for the Kyocera LBC Snoop Dogg C-Walkman.
Viewsonic Viewpad 1000 Tablet PcWhen I was a kid and I thought about the future, the Viewpad was something I never saw coming. I honestly thought things would be closer to Star Wars and I would drive a landspeeder and have an Ewok as a homie. Now it's 2004; I drive a shit car that barely hits sixty, which is far from hovering, and my midget friend won't return my calls since I tried to get him to wear a fur suit and go camping.