Widgets - Electronics Guide

Nokia 8800 Sapphire Arte Phone
Europeans are weird. They don't really have situation comedies, Walmarts, monster truck rallies or Soulja Boy remixes, so they tend to value crap like quality and craftsmanship. For example, their idea of a sophisticated cell phone is the Nokia 8800, which has a nondescript high-end metal and glass case, leather accents, custom visuals and exclusive soundtrack by Kruder & Dorfmeister.

Bang & Olufsen BeoCenter 2
This spaceship looking gadget is the complete entertainment center for your multi-million dollar Manhattan loft space. The CD player only plays classical music, and the DVD player actually incinerates anything that it deems as lowbrow. The design is so intimidating to your other electronics, it causes them to implode. The BeoCenter keeps to its kind and only works with other equally beautiful Bang & Olufsen products. Soon your BeoCenter 2 calls a meeting and, with the help of the entire Beo system, votes to kick you out of the house because you're an unappreciative slob.

Pioneer Elite DVD Player
I've never bought any sort of shelf unit for my media because I'm either lazy or cheap. There is a precarious stack of hundreds of DVD and CD cases in the corner of my living room. If I think of a movie I want to watch, I have to try and pull the disc out of the stack without knocking it over like I'm playing Jenga. The Pioneer Elite DVD Player allows you to load up 301 DVDs, CDs and CD-Rs, grab the remote and simply hit play.

Helio Ocean
Remember how when you where in high school people completely talked shit on a kid because he just didn't understand. Then you go to a reunion and find out that kid grew up and is in a band, travels the world and dates really hot chicks. The Helio is that kid.

Samsung F9 Series HD LCD TV
Youth lifestyle marketing, that's usually the genre of press releases I read for this magazine. They are easy to understand, have simple diagrams and teach you how to create phrases like "this slamming (product x) keeps you rockin' the Internet and fly at the dopest X Games." So when I try to read the description for the Samsung F9 Series TV, I am lost. Apparently it's good because it's described by words like timeless, inspired, smart and mature.

Sony Digital Photo Album
Saving photos is a problem. It's not like the pre-digital era when you could just have a shoebox in the garage filled with cherished reminders of horrible times. Thanks to the new Sony Digital Photo Album you can now keep all your images in one centralized location. You can add images easily with multiple importing formats and keep them organized into three thousand different albums. You wouldn't want to rob your children of someday seeing the pictures of when you drank too much Jager and thought it would be a good idea to jump onstage at a strip club.

Ericsson W380 Walkman Phone
I saw this phone and got stoked because I thought it was a pager. Someone, please bring the pager back; things were way simpler then. You'd get a page; read the code; pick up beer, weed and mayonnaise; then make your way to your girl's house. Nowadays, I spend the entire trip over talking to my girl on the cell. So by the time I get there, I'm pretty much irritated and ready to leave.